SOME HAVE FOOD, BUT CANNOT EAT

I’ll say in the last decade or less, as Nigerians, we’ve heard some of the most absurd things from our politicians and public servants. I’m sure we all remember the snakes eating millions of Naira from JAMB office, and our immediate past president being forced to work from home because rats had infested his office. People usually say that if they explain Nigeria to you and you understand, the explanation was not done correctly. We laugh this statement off, but it is absolutely true. In my over 20 years living in this “God-loving” country, I have heard the craziest things, but NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, has infuriated me more than hearing the DG of NAFDAC say the agency does not have regulatory oversight over locally made unbranded products like palm oil and fufu (permit me, I don’t know the English or botanical name for fufu, but it’s white and sticky Nigerian food that smells absolutely…let’s stop here for now, cos I don’t know how y’all eat it btw).

As per the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control cannot verify what…I mean, I don’t have the data, but I am almost certain that over half the country, especially in these Tinubu times, consumes some of these unbranded products on a daily basis. So the agency that’s supposed to be protecting us from consuming hazardous stuff is basically telling us to f*ck around and find out. Absolutely ridiculous. But you know what’s funnier? It is alleged that in the 2026 Appropriation Bill, NAFDAC was allocated about ₦1 billion for projects entirely outside its regulatory mandate, like procuring and distributing motorcycles, sewing machines, generators, and deep freezers across several senatorial districts, plus solar street lighting, rural electrification, boreholes, and road works. NAFDAC's actual legal mandate under the NAFDAC Act only covers regulating food, drugs, cosmetics, medical devices, chemicals, and detergents; it does not cover building infrastructure or distributing equipment.

So you see where the problem is? They should be checking everything, but they lack focus. Then they only choose to check the registered and branded ones, when they should be pushing for everyone to be registered and get checked, basically setting the standards. And let’s even say it’s actually hard to track and regulate these unbranded items, how about the branded ones? At this point, if we’re not consuming the fake version of a product, we’re consuming an original that happens to have been banned or strictly regulated in terms of distribution, in saner climes. I have totally lost faith in products here, and I just consume stuff with literally one mind.

Because even "checking the branded ones" is not exactly going well right now. A doctor on X put up a side-by-side comparison of a real Oral-B tube versus a fake one, and the differences were so small you'd have needed to be looking for them to catch it. Hollandia yoghurt has had its own moment too, people posting about batches that looked or tasted off. There’s an actual video of people packaging Hollandia yoghurt in their sitting room. Since I watched that video, I haven’t touched ONE product from Chi. Any juice in those paperboard cartons goes in the bin for me; I cannot risk my life. And this is bad for business, because I know there are a whole lot of other people who avoid Hollandia yoghurt because of those videos online. Everyone is affected by NAFDAC’s inefficiency.

Not too long ago, I saw another video of someone listing everything he could think of that's allegedly being faked right now: sanitary pads, drinks, creams, drugs, even drips, and saying everything in this country is fake, and people kept adding more fake product names in the comments. Japanese skincare brand Biore left a couple of responses in the comments of a post on TikTok, clearly stating its products are currently unavailable in Nigeria, and people kept replying to them with pictures of their products, and they kept responding with “not our product.” Do you know how wild that is? And it was A LOT of people claiming to have Biore products. Who knows what kind of chemicals they have been applying to their skin.

I legit could go on and on about this issue, because it's been happening for the longest time and we're all affected. I'm sure we all remember the Indomie cancer rumour from 2023; countries like Malaysia and Taiwan banned a batch of it, but our dear NAFDAC didn't see any issue here in Nigeria. With their track record, I can't fully trust that verdict. But I'll be honest, I still eat Indomie once in a while, because it's just quick and tasty, especially on my lazy or tired days after work. But I’m still side-eyeing the entire brand, not gonna lie.

We also, as citizens, have our roles to play. I understand the country is hard, but why are you making Panadol with starch just to make ends meet? Is that not wickedness? These days I’m at the club, and I’m worried that the content in my Jameson bottle isn’t made by someone named Johnson in Alaba (see what I did there?). No jokes, I have legit tasted alcohol in a club before (I should call them out here, but I no really get funds for lawsuit, but just be careful of clubs and lounges around the Opebi area of Ikeja, Lagos), and I just knew I was drinking colored methylated spirit. One of my boys confirmed it too, and we walked out. To be honest, for the price we paid for it, we couldn’t even complain. That particular bottle would go for at least N150k in the Island part of Lagos, and it’ll still likely be fake. So we chested our N60k loss and went to have milkshakes at Jay’s Diner.

But yeah, we all need to be responsible and very watchful of what we’re consuming. NAFDAC isn’t doing much to help us, so we must help ourselves. These factories processing these fake and unhealthy products are around us; some of us know people working in these places, and you who’s probably reading this are involved too. We need to be responsible. Call people out and save ourselves from whatever poison is getting packaged and sold to us daily. Nobody is coming to save us on this one, not NAFDAC, not the government, so the least we can do is stop protecting the people doing it for a quick buck. Ask questions, report what you can, stop buying from wherever you're not sure of. It's not much, but it's something.